Focusing on Self Love can be a nuisance!

Jun 18, 2019

I love to make lists and to know what I am doing for my day, but even more important is who am I being for the day?  When I am my true self, I feel worthy of love...from me!  Self love is so important.  I find that to be a bit of a nuisance...I would love to think that I could just keep doing things for other people and being perfect and they would love me.  Unfortunately, not only is this not true but it is impossible! The type of energy you put into something is reflected on what you receive.  

The most simple example I can tell you about for this is with my son.  If I am feeling underappreciated (he is twenty, it is relatively frequent!), I find myself doing to much for him.  I am usually aware that I am looking for a heartfelt "thank you" or potentially a hug (there is nothing better in my life than a hug!).  This rarely happens when I am doing the things for this reason.  In contrast, if I am in great form and doing things because I have the energy and genuinely want to make a difference, I nearly always get my hug.  He can sense the difference in the energy from me.   In the first case, I end up listing what I have done for him, aware that he is probably not even listening and the energy feels heavy.   We all want to give love and be loved but when that love has a neediness quality to it we shy away, unless the person is genuinely distressed.  However, if I make him lunch or fill water bottles before he goes to work and just leave them for him to find, I generally get the hug and even an "I love you"!  This is because my intent is different.  I am embodying the quality of love that I want to be, in the moment.

Self loves works the same way.  When we are feeling needy and unloved we need to put ourselves first and not put ourselves down.  Particularly if you are feeling undeserving of help.  I ran myself into the ground earlier this year by not paying any attention to the signs that I was not loving myself.  I am aware that I am a recovering overgiver and that I can overgive for all the wrong reasons.  I have put self care much higher on my list now and I am feeling great.  I am actually taking the time to journal and tap every morning, regardless of what is going on.  It need only take 3 or 4 minutes but it works.

Rather than starting my day with just a to-do list, I think about who I want to be?   What is the theme of my day and who do I have to be to feel most satisfied with my day when I reflect back on it in the evening?  We can choose how we feel in any and every moment.  Do I want to be loving, present, joyful?  Would I like my day to flow?  What might stop this from happening, how can I plan ahead for this?  Once this is straight in my mind, I tap on these qualities as I envision my day.  Who am I meeting?  Will I leave them feeling uplifted?

Love is an outward energy, we gain so much more when we are not grasping for it or trying to hold onto it.  Send it out to the world (with real loving intent) and see how much comes back to you.  It all starts with self love, really feeling that genuine love in your heart and give yourself a break, take some time to do something for yourself today.

Send me an email if you need any help at [email protected].


Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash


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